matter

dealing with 3 small boys, i try to teach them so many things: to be honest, to be fair, to form their own opinions about books, movies, songs, etc, to be happy and that their happiness shouldn't come at another's expense. the high school girls i "hang with" i've begged them not to make the same mistakes i've made, like letting a boy come between them and their dreams and their friendships and doing stupid things for no reason at all. my early 20 girlfriends ask me how i got married so young and if i would do it all over again. and my friends who are my age, seemingly, are trying to secure our places in life and to live with all the choices we've made and stand by them and be happy with them. a few of my friends are making huge changes in their lives reinventing who they are and what they want. i've been fortunate to be surrounded by all of these people. and i'm so thankful for every person who has been in my life.

i think about the world now, the world in 30 years, and the world without me one day. i think about how important every single person on this earth has been. the ones who were dishonest, unfair, judgmental, sad, and abusive have been just as instrumental in molding people as the ones who were their opposite. without the struggle, would we be complacent with freedom and without hatred, would we take love for granted? would our lives be different shades of apathy? without abuse and violence, would we really ever recognize how strong we are? without disease and death and cancer, would we realize how precious our season in this place has been?  and really, what makes one thing a weed, and another a beautiful flower?

despite religious promises of heaven, nirvana etc, i think that somewhere in all of us there is a question of why we're here and if we made a difference. would the world be the same had we not existed. i believe the answers are: i don't know, yes, and no. i truly believe we are all special. and we are all necessary and all part of one another. and when some one is gone, they're never really gone. and it would be good for all of us to appreciate one another and tell people how important they are to us. because we're all important. we all matter.